IT TAKES TIME TO UNRAVEL THE KNOTS OF YOUR LIFE. IT TAKES TIME TO BE COMPLETE ONCE THOSE KNOTS ARE GONE. YOU BECOME USED TO THE DISCOMFORT AND THE INCONVIENCE OF THEM BEING THERE.
IT TAKES TIME TO IDENTIFY THE PAINFUL AREAS AND CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR LIFE AND IT TAKES EVEN LONGER TO MOVE FORWARD FROM THAT PAIN AND FIND A PEACEFUL PLACE.
I HAVE HEARD IT SAID THAT THROUGH FAITH YOU FIND PEACE. BUT THE QUESTION, SURLY, MUST BE... FAITH IN WHAT? THE ONLY WAY I CAN MANAGE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION IS TO SAY FAITH IN YOURSELF. I KNOW I KNOW IT SOUNDS AS CLECHE AS ANY TURND PHRASE, BUT I HAVE FOUND (AND AM CONTINUALLY FINDING) THE TRUTH IN THAT STATEMENT.
MY PAIN AND KNOTS STEMED FROM A PLACE THAT WAS SO FAR REMOVED FROM MY OWN POSESSION THAT IT WILL TAKE THE REMAINDER OF MY LFE TO SORT THROUGH AND TO FIND A PLACE FOR IT. A HEALTHY PLACE. WITHOUT GOING INTO "THE BOOK" IT SURFICES TO SAY THAT I AM WALKING PROOF THAT FAITH IN ONES SELF IS NECESSARY AND POSSIBLE.
I FOUND MYSELF ALONE, ONE DAY. NOT THAT EVERONE MAGICALLY DISSAPPEARED BUT, THE ROSE COLORED GLASSES (WHICH HAD BEEN PLACED ON ME AT THE TIME OF MY BIRTH) HAD BEEN REMOVED, AND QUITE ABRUPTLY, I MUST SAY. I LOOKED AT MY LIFE AND THE PEOPLE WHO WHERE 'IN IT'. (SOME INVITED AND MOST NOT... YOU SEE SOME WERE BORN INTO MY LIFE). WHAT I FOUND WERE A CLUSTER FUCK OF SELFISH HURTFUL ANGRY PEOPLE. I FOUND PEOPLE WHO WERE BENT ON DESTROYING THE HAPPINESS OF NOT ONLY THEMSELVES BUT OTHERS (INCLUDING MINE).
I FOUND MYSELF LONGING FOR A COMFORT ( A PEACE IF YOU WILL) WHICH I THOUGHT THE COMMUNION OF FAMILY SHOULD BRING. THE PROBLEM WAS, I WAS LONGING FOR A MYTHICAL SORT OF CREAURE, ONE AKIN TO A UNICOERN. IT WAS AS FORGIN A CONCEPT AS A NEW LANGUAGE.
LONLY WAS A SPACE (WHICH I DISCOVERED) TO DEEP AND DARK TO LIVE IN. WHEN I WAS ABLE TO ACCEPT THE REALITY OF THE KNOTS IN MY LIFE, I REALIZED JUST HOW LONLY I WAS. I HAD NO NEXT OF KIN WHICH COULD BE TRUSTED TO PROTECT MY WELFARE LET ALONE THE WELFARE OF MY SONS. I HAD NO RELATION TO WHOM I WAS BLOOD RELATED TO CALL ON IF LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.
WHEN I TRANSITIONED INTO THE WORLD OF HARD REALITY I THOUGHT IT WOULD DESTROY ME... OR AT THE VERY LEAST SHATTER ME. INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, IT DID NOT. I FOUND A STRENGTH AND A FAITH IN MY OWN RRESOLVE I NVER KNEW WAS THERE. THE SCARY PART WAS, I THOUGHT I HAD HIT MY DAMASCUS ROAD YEARS AGO... GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT JUST WHEN WE THINK ITS ALL SORTED.. ITS NOT.
IT TOOK THE LOSS OF EVERYTHING AND EVERY ONE (WHOM I BELIEVED TO BE INPORTANT) FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND THAT I HAD IT ALL WRONG. LIFE IS DESIGNED TO BE LONLY AND SELF EVALUATING. IT IS DESIGNED TO BE A DAUNTING AND EMPOWERING. THERE IS NO SAFE HARBOR UNLESS YOU DESIGN AND ERECT IT YOURSELF AND FORTIFY IT WITH PEOPLE WHO RECOGNIZE YOUR WORTH AND APPRECIATE YOUR PART OF THE JOURNEY (AS IT RELATES TO THEIR OWN HEALTHY SELF EVALUATING JOURNEY).
IT TAKES AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF STRENGTH TO UNTIE THE KNOTS AND PULL AWAY FROM THE FAMILIAL HURT AND BUILD A WORLD OF SELF FAITH AND ENVIORNMENTAL PEACE.
TO FIND THAT PEACE I HAD TO WANT IT AND ALLOW FOR THE FORCES AT WORK TO MOVE ME IN THE DIRECTION I WAS TO GO... NOW I KNOW THT SOUNDS SOOO EASY, BUT I AM HERE TO ELLYOU. ITS HARD AS HELL. IT IS AN EVERYDAY BATTLE. A BATTLE SOME DAYS I DO NOT THINK I WILL WIN... THATS WHEN FAITH IN MY ABILITY TO OVERCOM ALL OBSTACLES, COMES INTO PLAY. I HAVE TO BREATH DEPLY AD FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT THE ROADTO DIVINITY IS A LONG ANDTEDIOUS ONE. I REMIND MYSELF THAT UNLESS I ACCEPT THE ORGANIC NATURE OF PEACE I WILL NEVER ACHIEVE MY APOTHIOSIS.
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO HAVE THE FAITH OF THEIR MOTHERS AND GRANDMOTHERS. THEY TRY TO HAVE THE FAIH OF THEIR COMMUNITY, BUT PERSONAL PEACE WILL NEVER BE FOUND THROUGH THE LIVES AND FAITH OF OTHERS. IT MUST BE YOUR OWN. THE SACRAFICE MUST BE YOUR OWN . WE ARE ALL ACCOUNTABLE TO OUR OWN IMAGES. AND THOSE REFLECTIONS AND LIKENESSES ARE ONLY VALUABLE TO WHO WE SEE WHEN WE GAZE INTO THE STILL WATER.
MY PEACE AND FAITH ARE ROOTED IN A FEW BASIC PRINCIPALS... THEY ONLY SEEM TO WORK FOR PEOPLE (LIKE ME) WHO STRIVE EVERYDAY TO SEE BEYOND THE SURFACE OF IT ALL.
1 A LIE DONT CARE WHO TELLS IT AS LONG AS IT GETS TOLD... SO BE CAREFUL.
2 LIFE AND DEATH ARE GIVEN SHAPE THROUGH YOUR WORDS... SO BE MINDFUL
3 LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING AND YOU WONT BE CAUGHT OFF GAURD
4 IF IT DONT FEED YOU, FUCK YOU OR FRIEND YOU IT MUST NOT BE FOR YOU
5 IF I HURTS STOP DOING IT.. SIMPLE ENOUGH
6 WHEN IT GETS TO HEAVY TO CARY... UNPACK
7 IT IS THE HUMAN CONDITION TO BE SELFISH. ITS OK, AS LONG AS THOSE SELFISHNESSES DO NOT HURT, HARM OR ENCROACH ON THE HAPPINESS OF OTHERS
8 OVER USE I LOVE YOU
9 FORGIVE... ALWAYS
10 WHEN YOUR ON YOUR KNEES IN THE DIRT HOLDING ON TO THE GRASS TO KEEP FROM FALLING OFF OF THE EARTH... JUST LET GO
11 LAUGH OUT LOUD
12 CRY DEEPLY
13 DONT WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE.. IT WILL JUST GET DIRTY
14 IF THERE IS NO LOVE... WALK AWAY
15 TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE WATER
16 TAKE YOUR WISKEY STRAIGHT... NO CHASER
17 WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS... FIND ANOTHER FRUIT
18 ROLL WITH IT... OR IT WILL ROLL OVER YOU
19 SOMETIMES THEIR BEST IS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH
20 ALWAYS DANCE RECKLESS ABANDON
IT TAKES TIME TO IDENTIFY THE PAINFUL AREAS AND CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR LIFE AND IT TAKES EVEN LONGER TO MOVE FORWARD FROM THAT PAIN AND FIND A PEACEFUL PLACE.
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